Barrier of the Body
by Zasterfate
Summary: Maura and Jane share a special, loving relationship. One that's hard to explain or even make sense of, but it doesn't change a damn thing. Rizzles.


Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
Author's Note: Hey there, I'm new to the Rizzles Fandom. I saw it on TV one night while scrolling through channels and immediately was like, _Ohmygosh, lesbians! _That led me to reading some FanFiction, then watching all the episodes online obsessively, and now here I am, sharing my two cents.

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My name is Doctor Maura Dorthea Isles. I work in the Morgue of the Boston P.D. as chief medical examiner and though I used to have a sort of phobia towards social human contact, today my worries seem so far away.

All my closest coworkers, Sergeant-Detective Vincent Korsak, Detective Barry Frost, Officer Frankie Rizzoli, and even Senior Criminalist Susie Chang have become friends of sorts and they all know about my past dread with socializing; I believe they find it to be an endearing trait that balances my higher level of intelligence which can, in fact, create feelings of inadequacy – but now it doesn't bother them as I'm more relatable due what they call my quirkiness.

There's so much knowledge swimming around my mind and I long to share it though many can barely seem to keep up. That's where Detective Jane Clementine Rizzoli steps in, my closest, dearest, and fiercest of friends.

You see, Jane hardly understands half of the things I say and she'll crack as many jokes as she can to get a laugh in, but when I start to go in depth with an explanation and other officers walk off, pretending to not care while really they're intimidated by my ability to intake and share knowledge, Jane will stay back and listen, grabbing onto whatever bits and pieces she can despite the way she gets frustrated. Then she'll ask me to clarify and that's what I love, because it's a moment where I'm sharing and she's accepting .

I get to teach Jane Rizzoli, the one person I know who needs no one to tell her how to do anything. The detective simply cannot follow orders. She bends them, twists them, and rewords everything, which emphasizes her ability to manipulate a situation in the favor of either her family, a friend, or someone in need of help – rarely herself.

She can lie which I admire for my inability to do so without breaking out into hives, but lying is a sign of intelligence in its own respect. It means she can control certain physical tendencies and portray the role of honesty whenever deemed necessary.

Yet she doesn't lie to me. And if she lies to her family, it's more like withholding the truth in order to keep from hurting them.

A few moments ago, I mentioned my past phobia with human social contact; well I'm not the only person in the P.D. who's suffered. Jane has suffered immensely. It starts with her awkward adolescence; the constant mental fatigue of not fitting in, of not being able to follow the rules, of not being the perfect girl her mother often scolded her to be – then couple that with emotional exhaustion due to her physical state.

By physical state, I mean her genophobia: the dread of being touched intimately. You wouldn't think with how affectionate Jane is, she'd have issues with sex; it came as quite a surprise to me as well, but it explained a few things.

Like why she's been known for awkward kisses, or why she's so conservative, or why she really dislikes when I talk about the benefits of sex.

Everyone chalks it up to her Catholic and traditional Italian background, but if that were the case, she wouldn't be a lesbian. Yes, you see, there is so much validity in stereotyping – not that this makes it acceptable, it just helps to illuminate the notion that a tough Boston officer, who wears blazers and slacks, and finds security in having a firearm ready at her waist, who's fit and athletic, who drinks beer and likes common foods, who detests shopping and prefers watching baseball, who always carries and whips out her badge, even at inappropriate times, who's tough and respected by her male coworkers, who can be seen as a bitch, pardon my language, and who has very few romantic male-oriented relations is, in fact, a lesbian.

Sexuality however is an ambiguous concept, so the label sometimes misconstrues the truth into making it seem as though _lesbians_ don't like men – as a species. Of course, due to traumatic relations with men such as abuse or rape, women can hate or detest the male gender on personal level, yet that's only one category and should not be mistaken for all lesbians.

Jane loves men, respects them, and is open to them based on how they are as people; personality-wise. She has a soft spot for the nice guys and just the way she can hate a male rapist, she can hate a woman who hurts others. That's what breaks her from the stereotype, her ability to allow every person a fair chance to prove themselves worthy of her respect.

Unless her gut has a bad feeling which surprisingly is often extremely accurate; it works hand in hand with my science. Just as I receive results of who the DNA from a crime scene belongs to, she'll announce it by putting together all the pieces and my evidence can just be the icing on the cake for her to offer as proof for a warrant.

It doesn't bother me at all, it simply astounds me how intuition can match forensics.

Then it seems plausible. According to biology, opposites do attract, protons and electrons need to balance and people love warmth, but what makes warmth? The right amount of hot and cold.

So yes, I'm insanely attracted to Jane, and the feeling is mutual.

I'm a professional, stylish, independent woman in my own right, but somehow, Jane makes me feel at ease and I don't have to bother with standing up for myself constantly, she'll do it for me.

She can depend on me as well; I'm surprisingly defensive of the detective, always enjoying a chance to point out her abundance of accomplishments whether it be the honorary medals, the wonderful familial relationships, or just the ongoing success of her career.

I adore Jane Rizzoli. Endlessly.

"Hey, Doctor Genius."

I look up to see the subject of my current thoughts strolling into the morgue to find me all suited up and ready to begin an autopsy.

"Jane, good morning, I was just thinking about you!" I can't help the playful grin that overtakes my face while my eyes travel up and down her familiar attire: boots, black slacks, and a crisp tucked in dark blue dress shirt.

Her hair is always so thick and wavy and the loose strands that fall about give life to her dark brown eyes. Her smile is broad, relaxed, and clearly at ease.

The gun on the left of her waist makes her look powerful, but the shining badge hooked to the right adds authority, while the cell phone clipped behind it offers professionalism, three items that only enhance Jane's irresistible sex appeal.

"About me? What about me?" she asks with a quirked brow.

"Oh nothing," I say in a shy manner. It's strange how she makes me feel like an anxious girl with a crush sometimes rather than the normally unshakeable woman I'm used to being.

"You're avoiding – never a good sign," she replies, reflecting a term I've used on her.

"I'm about to start examining the corpse, are you here to watch?" Of course she is, she always is, yet I can't help but ask her such a useless question when I'm attempting to deflect her attention.

"Maura?" she groans, stepping up to me and that voice, sounding so husked and low just seeps through my skin, luring me closer and her scarred hands reach up, right one tangling in my hair, while her left hand rests at the nape of my neck.

"Jane, we're at work," I protest genuinely and she nods, leaning in for a harmless peck.

"You just look so stunning," she murmurs as her lips brush lightly against mine and my eyes flutter shut, the kiss deepening for just one moment before she pulls back. My hands hang limply at my sides because touching her is too tempting.

"I'm sorry," she grumbles, burying her face into my hair, but I can't blame her. I never will.

"I like this, don't apologize."

"Just promise to push me away before it hurts too much." It's too late, Jane. It already hurts so much and she keeps offering to let me go because in her mind, I deserve someone I can touch and she doesn't deserve anyone because of her inability to be completely intimate.

"Don't talk like that," I warn, readying myself for one of our usual verbal spats about how amazing she really is, but it never comes because she just hugs me tighter, admitting in emotion how much she really needs me.

You see, we've been working together for years and the first time I kissed Jane was right here in this morgue.

She was tense, angry, volatile even because she lost a perp all thanks to a rookie officer who missed the dispatch to stop pursuing a suspect since she and Frost had caught onto his trail. Two additional innocent people were killed because of that mistake and she had been pacing back and forth, enraged.

"_This is why the PD gets such a bad rep! Why wasn't he working with a partner! And even worse, why didn't he listen to his damn radio – no, you know what! This makes him a suspect, you know that?! Obstruction of justice – it's too suspicious, you see it, Maur! You get what I'm saying, right!" The quivering of her lips, the way her hands trembled, the guilt in those eyes, all of it gave her away so easily._

_She couldn't cope with the negligence, the fact that a case that was supposed to be simple had suddenly piled into a triple homicide that should have been over and done with._

"_Jane, it's not your fault," I tried to console her, but she was bent on blaming herself._

"_If I'd just put it together a minute earlier, or if I had split up from Frost, maybe –" she stopped, her eyes piercing right into mine as she sucked in a gasping breath that alarmed me. Her arms just lifted, and without question, I accepted my best friend into my arms to provide comfort. "I know I'm being irrational – but he was only seven, just a kid," she grated out, tearfully. "It's not fair."_

_She was right and though I could generally handle my emotions, seeing the normally strong detective so vulnerable and so affected, it made me cry with her._

That's how I kissed Jane, teary-faced and emotions blazing – not the best way to find out you're attracted to someone since it can often be confused as an in the moment thing, but it wasn't; we found that out over the course of the following two years, painful and testing as they were.

After the first kiss, we simply pretended it hadn't happened for about two weeks, till it all built up into an overwhelming force of pure sexual frustration, leading to a second exchange.

"_Doctor Isles, did results for the DNA come in yet?" Jane asked uneasily and Criminalist Chang walked in as if on cue, handing over a file. Susie had an easy time sensing the uncomfortable atmosphere and she gave me a sympathetic look as though she thought Jane and I were at odds or fighting over something like we'd done in the past._

"_Yes," I answered curtly, opening the folder to read over the data. "You were on the right track, detective, the blood does in fact match with the DNA behind the victim's car seat, indicating that Mr. Juan Martinez is the murderer." _

_Instead of celebrating, Jane watched until Susie disappeared into the crime lab before she inhaled slowly, meeting my gaze directly for the first time in those last few stressful weeks._

"_I'm sorry."_

"_What for? Your guessing, though lacking complete validity, is often on point. You shouldn't have to ap-"_

"_Not for my guessing, Christ Maura! We kissed! Or did you not realize that with all the dead bodies around here! I know it's busy, but come on! It has to be distracting you too!" _

_Setting the file down, I frowned and crossed my arms._ "_I kissed you, Jane. You shouldn't be sorry, it's my fault."_

"_Umph, Maura! I kissed you back, I even slipped my tongue in there and though it was inappropriate, I liked it and I'm gay and I like you and fuck – just, come here!" she growled, grabbing the collar of my medical jacket and slamming her lips down on mine._

_Whimpering from the forcefulness that is Jane Rizzoli, I clung to her, opening my mouth, accepting the wandering tongue that explored without restriction, just like her hands that raked up and down my sides, then gripped my waist to pull me against her._

"_Jane," I moaned as a low sound erupted from her chest from when we backed up into the wall and she finally pulled away, staring at me, studying me._

"_I'm done apologizing, Maura." And with those words, she let go of me. She just walked out and closed her case, arresting the criminal less than an hour later, leaving me to sink down onto the floor, touching my lips and trying my hardest to recover._

I think I may have never laughed harder than when Frost confided in me to say that Jane unnecessarily tackled Mr. Martinez so hard that they both smashed through a wooden door, rendering the man unconscious.

It was a sign of aggression on her part due to sexual frustration, caused by me.

For the following three months, that's how Jane and I communicated. She'd ask about a case, lock my door, and once work was out of the way, she'd push me up against something or pull me into her and stimulate me to the point of throbbing endlessly.

I honestly thought we'd make it to a bed eventually and give into the need, but that never seemed to be the case – instead, she'd kiss me and ravish me until I was overcome by her, then she'd stop abruptly. She always seemed to be hesitant or withdrawn emotionally and it dented our friendship, nearly ending it in the process.

Lucky for us both, I came to my senses and stopped being a willing participant in what I feared was becoming some kind of experiment to her. I went straight to her apartment and knocked so hard my knuckles began to hurt in the short amount of time.

"_Who the hell!" I heard from behind the door as it whooshed open, revealing Jane in her normal home apparel, a pair of sweats and a white tank top. "Oh…God, Maura, hey." She smiled and it dazzled me for a moment because of how genuinely happy she seemed to see me. I blinked, and then remembered exactly why I was there._

"_How dare you!" I started off, poking her in the ribs, "treat me this way!" Her eyes widened at my assault, but I only walked inside, slamming the door shut in the process, making her jump at the loud bang. "I am not an experiment, Jane Rizzoli!" I poked her side again angrily. "Every day, you come into my morgue!" I scolded, dropping my purse on her table as I backed her further into the small room. "And you kiss me, and you touch me, and you leave me!" She was flush against the wall, her hands up in defense as though she expected me to hit her too. "I want to know why you always leave, and why you care so little for me now because if I'm some form of an experiment to you –"_

"_I told you, Maura, I'm gay. You're not an experiment," she said calmly, standing up to her full height which might have been intimidating if I weren't so infuriated._

"_Then what is this? Are you trying to see if you can turn me into a lesbian because I will assure you, sexuality does not work that way, it's attraction and –"_

"_Finding the perfect mate to breed with?" she asked with a hint of humor in her voice._

"_I'm mad at you, Jane. Stop avoiding." _

_As though she understood finally how serious I was, she nodded and her face lowered a bit in what one might perceive as shame._

"_I – I can't have sex." _

_Shocked by this, I stepped back._

"_And why not? Sex is wonderful."_

"_I know, I know, the immune system and stuff, got it, but…I just can't do it. It freaks me out." _

_I had heard of people who were afraid of sex before, but I never imagined falling for one._

"_Jane," I whispered softly. "How come?" _

_She swallowed and shifted uncomfortably._

"_It's just, I don't like when people touch me, it feels dirty and I don't know why." _

_I got her to sit down that night, we just drank wine and talked in depth about this new knowledge she'd shared with me._

"_So, have you ever had sex?" I questioned._

"_Yes, with Casey in high school, I'm not sure if you can call it sex though because I had a panic attack in the middle of it."_

"_Oh dear, was it bad?" _

_Laughing, Jane shrugged slightly._ "_I was already painfully shy about my body having had a bunch of scars and cuts, then the idea of sex just never excited me, but with Casey, I thought I could get past it. I thought I was being silly and once we finally did it, I'd be fine, but the further we went, the sicker I felt. I'd breathe really hard and he thought I was turned on, but then I just…freaked out, he said it looked like I was having a seizure and I started crying after the panic attack passed. He helped me get back into my clothes and he held me all night till I was calm again."_

"_Jane…that's terrible." I shuddered, thinking of the horror an 18-year old Jane faced. I reached out, taking her hand and she smiled ruefully._

"_Yeah, it was. Still is. And what makes it worse is after taking that bullet back at the precinct during the standoff, I have another scar, plus Hoyt really fucked me over with these hands." She laughed humorlessly, studying her palms._

"_Hey, nothing is wrong with your hands, Jane. The scars have almost faded anyways, and the bullet wound, that is nothing to be ashamed of, you were trying to save your brother. You're selfless, that's why your body isn't unblemished, because you've sacrificed it so many times."_

"_Maura, I'm not ashamed of my bodily sacrifices. I'm ashamed that despite how much I want to take you into my bedroom and explore you, I could never bring myself to give you what you deserve in return. Me."_

That night, I told Jane I understood her misfortune and that it was unfair, but I wouldn't push her. We kissed for what should have been the last time, shared a hug by her door and I left, promising to put our attraction behind us.

Then four months would pass, Jane and I would be as friendly as we once were, though a bit closer from the former intimacy, yet we never crossed the line, and in walked the past love of my life, Ian.

Jane never appeared to be out-rightly jealous and while I made sure to be careful of her feelings, she still managed to hide them well, always repeating the same phrase to me. "As long as you're happy, Maura."

Ian who was once so wonderful hadn't seemed very magical anymore, but I loved him dearly and never could get over those feelings. That's why when he told me that the visit would be his last, I was heartbroken.

He wanted to set up a clinic in Africa and had friends that could send him the proper materials and medicines without him having to return to smuggle them.

I will never forget my last conversation with him.

"_I know it's sudden, Maura. I'm sorry. I love you so much, but this is my calling." _

_I sniffled pathetically as he wiped away my tears._

"_I know and it's wonderful. I think you should do it."_

"_So, I have your support?" he questioned with the hint of a smile._

"_Of course. You know I respect what you're doing."_

"_Great, so I'm going to have one of my contacts come down here to meet you every three months so you can send me additional supplies. I'll mainly need some anti-virus vaccines, syringes –"_

"_Ian," I interrupted, sincerely perplexed at what he was suggesting. "Do you really think that after breaking up, this is the best time to talk about asking me to use my position as an M.E. to help you traffic supplies – I mean, when you come here every year or so, I'm able to muster up enough to help, but any more than that, then I'd be digging into the pockets of Boston taxpayers." _

_Frowning, he let go of me completely._ "_Don't you think this is a bit much, Maura? You're extremely wealthy; it shouldn't be so difficult for you to aid my team and I with some supplies."_

"_I understand, but most of my wealth is already tied up in charitable endowments; your cause is not the only worthy one," I pointed out and his eyes widened in disbelief._

"_Maura! Ten minutes ago you would have said yes to anything I asked!"_

"_Ten minutes ago, I thought I'd see you after today! I'm not saying I can't help simply because I won't be seeing you again, but you have to be fair, Ian. Do I really want one of your friends dropping by every three months to remind me of your absence? And do I really want to abuse my position to the point where I can be stripped of my medical degree if caught? What you're asking is not fair."_

"_I know it's a little more than usual, but this is my dream, Maur."_

"_I dreamt of marrying you," I choked out, shaking my head. "Don't mix your dreams with mine. You just told me that after all these years, I'd never see you again, why won't you give me a chance to just process this, why must I be rational all the time, even when I'm heartbroken?" _

_Ian stared at me for a good thirty seconds before sighing and enveloping me into a tight hug._

"_I'm sorry…it's just that I've known for a long time that this would be my last visit. I didn't stop to consider how it would affect you." And just like that, I suddenly felt so distant from Ian with the way he had brushed my feelings off._

_It's like I was being tossed back into my childhood, alone, and unintentionally neglected._

_Putting on a brave smile, I pulled out from his not-so-warm embrace and looked up to meet a stoic expression._

"_Goodbye, Ian."_

"_Maura, please…"_

"_Goodbye," I repeated, letting my arms drop to my sides. Without a word, he picked up his bags and left._

I was thankful that day had been a Friday because it meant I could evade work and people for two days to just shop online, cry every once in a while, and sleep.

But on the very next Saturday, a knock at my door had me wake up to find Jane outside, a pained expression on her face.

"_Jane, what is it?"_

"_Two things. One, I've been suspended from work for a week, and two, I'm so sorry about Ian." _

_Surprised at both pieces of information, I frowned, my mouth parting slightly as Jane walked further in, locking the door for me. I watched as she removed her jacket, draping it across my couch before she faced me, both hands tucked into her jeans. "I ran into Ian…" she trailed off._

"_Oh, where?"_

"_Store, he told me he was leaving to go to Africa for good. I congratulated him, then he told me he broke things off with you, said you were being hysterical and kicked him out, that you don't care for anyone but yourself, and just because he's leaving, you refused to help him anymore."_

"_Oh no, I swear, Jane, It didn't even happen like that! He dropped the news on me so quickly, I just –"_

"_Maura, shh," she had cut in, lifting her hand with a tight smile. "I know you aren't the way he tried to make it out." She fidgeted a little, dropped her head, and then looked back up really quickly. "I hit him."_

"_Jane!"_

"_With a wine bottle."_

"_Oh my God, Jane!"_

"_I was in a wine shop, I'm sorry!" she cried out, rushing over to me as if holding me would make things okay. "It was stupid, but his dumb Australian accent just got under my skin, and he wouldn't shut up, then he said you were overreacting, so I showed him a real overreaction!" _

_At that point, Jane had shaken me literally and figuratively, her eyes wide with fear and I couldn't help it. I just laughed at her._

_Immediately, her lips twitched upwards and she looked so relieved before hugging me tightly._

"_I can't believe you hit him with a wine bottle, and that's why you got suspended?"_

"_Mhm, but I say it was worth it."_

"_I love you, Jane Clementine Rizzoli."_

"_Ugh, not my middle name," she complained, pressing a kiss into my hair. I was silent for a moment as I realized just how much I really did love Jane. _

_"I love you too," she murmured. "More than I should."_

"_Jane, will we ever be just friends?"_

"_No, I don't think so."_

After that, I learned that being heartbroken over Ian was nothing in comparison to being heartbroken over Jane. Especially because we worked together. We saw each other every day, before work, during work, and after work.

We'd established the fact that we'd loved one another, but agreed to let it be since Jane's insecurities held her back. As hard as it was for me, how could I dare to push her? This wasn't an issue I could just wipe away with a kiss or kind sincere words and no matter how many times I hinted she see a therapist for help, she refused, claiming that they'd only make it worse.

Then we slept together. Not physically, but emotionally. It was normal for us to fall asleep in each other's beds on opposite sides after a long day when one of us was too tired to drive home.

I'd woken up at some point in the middle of the night to see her brown eyes staring intently at me from her distanced position on the bed.

"_Hi," she had murmured, her voice laced with exhaustion._

"_Why are you awake? Sleep, Jane."_

"_I should go home," she sighed and a moment passed in which my heart fell just a little in my chest. She had never tried to leave in the middle of the night before and it hurt that she would suggest it then._

"_Do you want to leave?" I whispered._

"_I just want to hold you, Maura." _

_I don't think I could have smiled more if I tried and without a second of hesitation, I scooted over into her long arms and wrapped both of mine around her waist, nestling my head between the contour of her neck and shoulder._

From then on, we'd find a way into each other's arms every night. Kissing became natural and Jane simply felt like the home I had never thought I'd find.

And now, as she hugs me here in my office, I can't help but smile. I don't care if Jane Rizzoli is overly complex, or that she's insecure about her inability to function sexually, or that I may quite honestly never get to make love to her, I just like how she's always here.

I like the way she holds me tenderly to sleep. I love how she kisses me just to kiss me, and I thrive on how she'll give into her feelings for me to say I'm stunning even in my scrubs and lab coat.

"So, are you gonna tell me what you were thinking?" she questions and I meet her gaze, feeling so safe locked up in her arms.

"I don't care if we never make it to anything more than this, _this_ is perfect."

Her chest heaves a little and I know that though she doesn't want me to settle, she can't help but be relieved that I want this with her.

"I will try, you know. If you give me time, I'll give you everything." I trust she will because this is Jane; I've seen her passion, I've seen her commitment and nothing can get in her way, especially not fear, she's proven that countless times.

"I believe you, Jane."

"Thank you, Doctor Maura Dorthea Isles, for loving me."

"And thank you, Detective Jane Clementine Rizzoli, for letting me."

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Author's Note: Thanks for reading! :)


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